I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
