Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Randomize
