based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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