So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
