i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
