i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Randomize