She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
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