Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
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