The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
