You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
