Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
