Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
