i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
