I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Randomize
