just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Randomize
