Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
another moral hangover. fuck.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
