im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
