I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Randomize
