Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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