Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
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