4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
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