Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
