it hurts more in the daytime
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
So squirting runs in the family.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Randomize
