I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
