dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
