??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
