I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
