He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
