WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
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