I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Randomize
