She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
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