dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
