I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
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