Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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