Where did you get a picture of my penis
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
