too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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