considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Randomize
