How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Randomize
