I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
