awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
