the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Randomize
