As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Randomize