you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Randomize
