Midget sex pt 2 tonight
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
Randomize
