i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
