May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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