he wants to bone in the snuggie
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
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