I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
The cops high fived after they tackled you
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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