I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Randomize
