I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
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