I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
Randomize
