We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
What drink are we having for lunch?
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Randomize
