My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize
