apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
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