Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
