:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
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