I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
