I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
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