then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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