Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Randomize
