Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
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