it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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