I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Randomize
