Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
no you cant smoke seaweed
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
