And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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