I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Boobs are out for the taking
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize