Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
