yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
40s are totally the cure
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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