This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
