"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
