Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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