i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Randomize
