o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
We have started to decorate penises.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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