Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
Randomize
