I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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