i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Randomize
