So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
