Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
