I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
there was a trapeze. enough said
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Randomize
