haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
