Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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