I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Randomize
