I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
