Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Randomize
