don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
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