soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
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