he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
I pour the whiskey from now on
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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