those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
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