I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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