We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Randomize
