Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
she pinky promised me she was 18
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
