The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
