I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Randomize
