I'm sorry my penis didn't work
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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