drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
im holly from the hills drunk
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
