Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Randomize