Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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