That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
